Today February 22nd is my memorial day as well as my anniversary day. In either way, today is a special day for me. I had an appointment for today, but several days ago, the person asked me to move this appointment to some other day. I believe my family souls did this because they wanted me to spend and enjoy my alone time for today. So, right now, I am enjoying my alone time thinking back of my special day.
Why is today so special for me? Because I miscarried my baby 3 years ago on this day; on February 22nd 2014. When I mention about my miscarriage to people, they tell me they are sorry for my loss. Some people even cry for me because they have the same experience as I did. Yes, it was a very tough experience for me, but still, this experience gave me lots of love and hope. I would like to share this story with you.
Let me talk this story along with the time line.
***
When I was small, I knew I would have two children on this lifetime; a boy and a girl. I remembered this life plan, because it was important for me. I often said my life plan to my friends in my younger days (at my high school days and even in my 20s). They still remember that.
When I got married to my husband, I had a solid belief that a boy and a girl souls would come to us as our children. Four months after I moved to America, I naturally got pregnant with my daughter.
I was happy with the truth I could bring a baby soul to this lifetime, but I didn’t have fun time during pregnancy and especially about the labor. I didn’t like how my OB-GYN and nurses treated me. I didn’t like most of them.
So, after my first labor, I was reluctant to go through the same process, pregnancy and labor, with these doctors and medical staff again.
Deep inside, I knew and felt the second baby soul wanted to be born as soon as possible. But I just couldn’t help avoiding it because of the very bad memories about doctors and nurses on my pregnancy and labor.
During that time, I was not the only one who felt the existence of the second baby soul. My husband and my daughter also felt the same way as I felt. We frequently shared what we felt from the second baby’s soul. The baby soul already lived with us in spirit. We all knew it would be born as a boy when the baby was to be born.
******
About three weeks after my daughter turned to five years old, specifically it was evening of December 25th 2013, my daughter conveyed us a message from the baby’s soul. She said to my husband and me that the baby soul wanted to come tonight and that we should welcome his soul. So we followed her advice and welcomed the soul. At that moment, my fear about pregnancy and labor was disappeared.
I got pregnant for that night. The OB-GYN doctor told me my pregnancy was miracle. Because I got pregnant naturally without any doctorial or medical treatment at this high age (I was 43 years old, 3 months shy away from 44 years old). However, for the people who are familiar with spirituality, they know it is not miracle. Anything and everything is possible. And it is a baby soul’s willingness to decide when and where to come (to be born).
I searched around and asked around another good doctor. I could not find anybody in my area, but I finally found the good one in another town. The new doctor was cheerful, helpful, and thoughtful. And I was happy to select her as my doctor. She was always cheerful and funny, but one day, she called me on my cell phone with a very serious voice tone. I instantly knew something was not right. She asked me to come see her as soon as possible, on the same day or next day. So I went to see her next morning.
On the morning, we didn’t exchange some jokes and laughter as always. The doctor told me straightforward about the bad news. It was about my A1C level that they checked on my last visit. It was 8.4. She said this was very high level for pregnant women. The target A1C in general is set to less than 7.0, but during pregnancy, the A1C level should stay being constant and less than 6.0. She told me the baby already had gone through in danger because of my high glucose. She said pregnancy starts even before pregnancy. She also said that a mother–to-be really has to pay attention to her glucose level if she wants to get pregnant.
*********
In my case, however, until that day, I never thought of myself being diabetes. I thought myself to be healthy. Although I noticed I was gaining weight and could not lose it easily, I considered it as part of aging process.
I felt so bad for my baby. I am so sorry that I didn’t pay attention to my health.
************
My doctor prescribed insulin from that day. It was January 20th 2014. The nurse instructed me step by step on how to ingest it on my body. It was shocking to poke a needle to my own body by myself. It was my very first experience to give myself a shot. The nurse told me the best and easy part to poke a needle was my tummy area, but I could not do so, because it made me feel to hurt my baby. So I chose the back of my thigh. Whenever my husband was around, he did it for me. But when he was at work, I needed to do it by myself. I poked a needle, with crying. It was not easy for me.
These days, I poked my body with a needle 7 times a day. I poked a small needle (a lance for glucose check equipment) to my finger tip four times a day to check my glucose level and recorded the results. I poked a long needle for a syringe to ingest insulin 3 times a day. Getting insulin in my body was not pleasant. I would get shaky with sweat due to low blood sugar. I would wake up due to low blood sugar at 2 or 3 am in the morning. Even though I felt starving, every time I ate something, I would feel guilty. Because it might raise my blood sugar level and my baby might suffer from it.
***************
The procedure on controlling my glucose level was tough, but I could stay being happy with pregnancy. I had a supportive doctor and nurses, not to mention of my supportive family. The great benefit of being pregnancy was that I could directly talk to my baby soul. I felt his excitement to be born as my son. I was excited to have him in a physical body and live with him as a family in this lifetime. I couldn’t wait for the due date, September 17th, 2014. I kept telling myself that insulin was just temporary during pregnancy. I thought I could handle the insulin and checking glucose level for another 8 months for my son-to-be. So my pregnancy days went by quickly, with happiness to see him and toughness from diabetes.
******************
Since I could communicate with my baby’s soul very clearly, we decided to name him as Daigo (大悟). It means Satori (enlightenment). I know this soul as a very high aged soul. His spiritual age is very high.
—-
During that time, it was the beginning of February, I heard a clear voice from my son-to-be. He told me to go for a walk on the next street. When I followed the guidance to take a different route, I found one sign “For Rent” jumped into my eyes. I instantly thought I should call this number and ask for the house tour. So I did. Two days later from my phone call, we met with the realtor for the house tour. I fall in love with the house instantly.
At those days we were renting a 2-bedrooms and 2-bathrooms house. The new house had 3-bedrooms and 2-bathrooms with a private and big back yard. And the rent amount was the same. Everything went smoothly, and we decided to move to the house on Feb 29th 2014. I still consider this as a gift from my son. And the house is the one where we are currently living. We all love this house.
——
After about five weeks since I started an insulin treatment, on February 22nd 2014, I started having a vaginal bleeding. I had the same symptom for my daughter in the early stage of pregnancy, so at first, I thought it was fine. But the bleeding did not stop. It kept on going.
I got panicky. I called and talked to my doctor on the phone. She told me to relax. She said that baby comes to this world in a divine way. It is under God’s area. If God decides so (meaning miscarriage), then we humans cannot do anything to stop.
I stayed in bed at my house. I was crying so hard. I was asking so hard to the baby’s soul not to go. I think I was cringing his soul so hard.
I noticed I was cringing so hard on him that he was suffering from that too. I thought I had to let him go. I started talking to him. You can now go, Daigo. Thank you for coming to me. You came to me to inform me of my diabetes, right?
And I felt clearly that his soul came out from my physical body. He hugged me. It was so real. I could feel his love and hugging.
He told me that “I am so, sorry that I cannot stay here. I have to go now. Thank you for letting me go.”
Before Daigo went back to his spiritual homeland, he stayed with me for a while and shared his memory with me. It was like watching movie. Very fast-forward version, but I could understand every details. Even the feelings. Not only about my feelings but also about other people’s feelings. Then I realized that Daigo and I were originally from the same star. We came to the planet Earth before. We spent our life together as many different relationships. The most recent life that we spent together was around 1800 in America. I didn’t recognize which state, but I was born as Native American. Daigo was born as my son. The invader came to our village and massacred all of us. They even killed my husband and my son who was only 9 months old. The baby was Daigo.
With the communication with Daigo, lots of my memories got clearer than before. I was born this lifetime with lots of memories of past lives. The memories were like pieces of puzzle. Each piece was clear, but I could not connect all the pieces to one bigger picture. Now I can see a bigger picture. Now I can understand all the reasons why I was born as a Japanese, why I married to my husband, why I was guided this and that up until now. I came back to this lifetime for reasons.
**–**—**–
After Daigo left for his spiritual homeland, which is the same as mine, I spent my days crying all the time. I shed tears. Everything triggered me to cry. When somebody greeted me “how are you?”, I cried. During I was eating, I cried. When I was sleeping, I cried. When I was taking a bath, I cried. I could not stop crying. My daughter was the same way. On every moment when I was shedding tears, when I turned to my daughter, she was shedding tears too, very quietly. After three weeks spending my days like that, I came to realize that I needed to graduate from this crying. I commited to myself that I decided to graduate from this sadness. I will let it go. I meant it from my heart.
On that night, in my dream, my family souls congratulated me for my graduation. They actually threw a party for me. I clearly remember the scene of them ringing party poppers with happy decorations.
**–**—**–**–
After this graduation ceremony, I started communicating with Daigo again. He is now in our spiritual homeland and we can communicate directly through our thoughts. He told me it is up to me if I want to have him as my son on this lifetime. If I decide, our family souls will do their best to support for my next pregnancy. I thought about it and made my mind not to have him in a physical form on this lifetime. I am very reluctant of going through pregnancy and labor. I don’t have fear at this moment, but I don’t want to go through. I know I don’t like hospitals and doctors. I want to stay away from hospitals.
Daigo understood what I felt and what I meant. We agreed to come back to other life together on our next life. It might not be in the planet Earth. We might choose other star or planet.
I am grateful when Daigo told me he would respect my free will. My other family souls were the same way. They never step in my free will. They always respect my free will and wait for my decision. I really appreciate them so that I can fully take responsibility on every single of my decision.
I believe this miscarriage was supposed to happen. Thanks to this pregnancy, I noticed of my health condition that needed my attention. Thanks to this pregnancy, I could remember about my life mission; why I am here. Thanks to this pregnancy, I could go through lots of peoples’ love; starting from my husband and my daughter, my Japanese parents and my Navajo parents, my friends. Thanks to this pregnancy, I could reconnect with Daigo so that I can freely communicate with him directly right now. He is now just a thought away.
**–**—**–**–**–
Later on, I looked up the meaning of the number 222 (February 22nd) on Doreen Virtue’s website. Angel Therapy.
It was written like this.
“Trust that everything is working out exactly as it’s supposed to, with Divine blessings for everyone involved. Let go and have faith”.
I do believe my miscarriage was part of God’s plan. I knew Daigo was supposed to be born as my son in my original life plan, but it changed. It happens. Not all the blueprint of life plans will go as we planned. Because of our free will and influence of surrounding environment, we sometimes have to flexibly adjust ourselves to plan-B. And, it is okay.
I appreciate for everything to strengthen my soul. I appreciate for everybody who supported my spiritual journey. From my heart, Thank you-to everybody and every events, and all the spirits around me.
♬ Any feedback? (^^♪
three wisdom 