I am reading a book “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me: A Memoir” written by Sherman Alexie.
The author is famous for the movie Smoke Signals. This movie was a pioneer of the first all-Indian movie, where the entire production team and cast was Native American. The author is also well known for his fiction novel for teens “The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian,” which I am planning to read next. This novel received many awards such as National Book Award for Young People’s Literature.
Anyways, let me get back to his memoir. This book is a memoir of the author and his late mother. I am still in the first part of the book, but I already like it very much. This book let me think about the relationship between my mother and me.
Same as the author, I don’t have very good relationship with my mother. We have been not kind to each other for decades.
While the author experienced three years for not talked with his mother at all, mine was for seven years.
After his mother’s death, the author heard many other people thanking to his mother for supporting their lives. My mother was the same way. My mother loves to help others. I often thought it was unfair that my mother devoted her time much more than she did to me. I am sure I will hear the same way; many others thanking to my mother for her dedicating support to their lives.
***
When I was young, I regretted a lot. I regretted about everything. I used to think “I should have done this” “I should not have said this and that”.
Now that I have aged, I decided not to regret anything. From my past experiences, now I know everything has meaning and serves its purpose. There is nothing we should regret. There is only learning lessons provided to us from the certain event and experience.
So now, the middle-aged-I don’t regret for the seven years that I had not talked to my mother. I am still human and so I don’t know the exact meaning and purposes for that, but I will know after I finish this lifetime. All I know at this moment is it happened naturally to serve both of my mother and me with some great purposes and provided us some great lessons.
Last time when I visited my mom in Japan, she apologized a lot to me for not being kind to me, for not devoting her time and energy to me, and for not talking to me for seven years. She said she regretted all of that. I am going to tell her during this trip, that she does not need to regret them at all. Everything happened for reasons. Everything was fine as they were. I want to tell her that, while she is alive and well, so that she won’t carry any heavy burdens in her soul.
***
My trip to visit my parents in Japan is coming closer. I am excited about spending time with them. To be honest, a bit nervous too. But I know everything will be fine.
I will do one thing for sure. For everything what I do, I do my best in order to prevent regretting my actions and wordings.
♬ Any feedback? (^^♪
three wisdom 