I think of my parents every day. I send good thoughts and prayer for them every morning right after I wake up and every night right before I fall asleep. However I don’t call nor email them often.
For these past couple of months, I have read many books regarding taking care of old parents and spending time with cancer patients. All of them were helpful for me to think.
Among them, a story of a woman around my age resonated with me.
Her mother reached to an old age. She was not sick so that she didn’t need to stay in a hospital. However, her body got weak and could not do daily chores by herself anymore. She was living alone and needed support in her daily life. The daughter; aka, the author, decided to take care of her mother. She resigned her job and moved back to her mom’s house, and started devoting all of her private time to take care of her mother.
She made her decision with solid confidence. It was from her pure love to her mother. She was happy in taking care of her mother at the beginning.
Such life had passed by for more than four years.
By then, the author got too exhausted and stressed out of her life. She forgot about her first motivation of her decision. Gradually she started blaming her mother for ruined her good job. She started wishing her mother to pass away soon.
One day she realized of her wish. She blamed herself for wishing that. Then, after discussing with her other family members and relatives, she sent her mother to a nursing home. The daughter still helps her mother for the monthly payment of the nursing home, but she now has her private time to enjoy her life.
Toward the end of her book, she shared her wisdom that she learned from this experience.
It was nice of her to be willing to take care of her mother. It came from her kindness. That being said, she admitted that it also came from her obligation feeling. She thought of her other family members or relatives as well as others such as neighbors and friends. She worried they might think of her as a cold hearted person if she does not take care of her mother. She concluded if somebody wants to take care of their old parent, think twice if it comes from only pure love. If it also accompanies with their obligation feeling, they should not proceed.
After four years, she started wishing her mother’s passing away as soon as possible. Spiritually speaking, our thoughts create the reality. Her wishing of her mother passing away soon is not necessarily same as the wish of her mother. Her wish might be in the way for her mother.
After read her book, I thought of my own decision.
I think I made the best decision about my parents for not going to see them nor not living with them to take care of them devoting all my private time. I know my parents are independent souls. I know they fully understand and honor my decision and life.
This is the decision agreed between both of my parents and myself. I don’t need to worry about others on what they think of me. I need to protect my sacred boundary.
three wisdom 