I naturally woke up at 6 a.m. After I prepared breakfast for my parents, I went upstairs and checked my mom in bed. She was still asleep. I gently touched her face and body. She was in the normal temperature. I appreciate she was still alive.
Around 8 a.m., my mom woke up. I was there at her bed side. I asked her if she was hungry. She said she was. I was glad to hear her appetite came back.
***
My parents didn’t have any appointment today. They wanted to relax at home.
Originally they had one appointment around noon. The nursing-care products representative was planning to come to install some nursing-care products. We planned to install a supportive step in the bathtub, another handrail for my mom’s bed, and some supportive items to make some thresholds with a different level into mild slopes to prevent my mom from stumbling. Also we planned to rent a walker for my mom.
However, my mom canceled this appointment two days ago; on Thursday. I found out the reason why my mom cancelled after I talked with my mom.
On that day she completely lost her memory of having met the nursing-care products representative on Tuesday. Even though we all decided these plans with my parents on Tuesday, my mom completely forgot all about that. Therefore, on Thursday when my mom saw the representative visiting our house for their request; to replace the bedside handrail from left to right for my mom and to change the bank account information for my dad, my mom thought she met the man for the very first time. She got mad at him because she thought the representative decided all the products by himself without my mom’s approval.
This morning my mom was calm. So, I told her the truth that we decided together and my mom agreed everything we discussed.
My mom got shocked that she lost her memory. She also got shocked she yelled the representative from her losing memory. I suggested my mom to call him and explain what happened to her, and sincerely apologize to him.
The representative was a thoughtful young man. He warmheartedly told my mom not to worry about him; it was totally fine with him. I appreciate him for being so nice to my mom.
The representative offered my mom to reactivate the former appointment to install the products around noon, but my mom politely turned down his offer. She was still feeling tired from yesterday’s harsh treatment. She wanted to rest in bed without any visitors at home.
***
My dad told me their grave was completed. He received a phone call from the grave company.
After breakfast, I walked to my parents’ grave. I took some pictures of all the four-sided gravestone. On the way back, I stopped by at a convenience store and bought Oden for my parents’ lunch.
***
I came back home from the grave and showed the pictures of grave to my parents. Then, I left for the beach by myself. I went to the sushi restaurant for lunch. I ate my lunch there and bought some to-go-boxes for my parents’ dinner. It was a clear sunny sky. The sun light’ shining on the ocean surface was gorgeous. I fully enjoyed my two hours’ walk on the beach.
***
When I came back home from beach, it was around 2:30 p.m. My mom was in bed.
I found out the living room’s light was turned off, where my dad always sits. The house helper told me the set of fluorescent lamps burned out. She said this set is a rare designed one so that the closest grocery store does not carry. We will need to go to the DIY store for a new set of lamps. My dad casually asked me to go there and buy a new set. I hated to hear that, because I was tired for the day. The DIY store is not located within the walking distance. I would need to take a taxi for the round trip. As the helper watched me being reluctant going there by a taxi, she offered me to give me a ride. I gladly accepted her kind offer.
It was Saturday afternoon, so the traffic was heavy. It took us almost one hour for the chore. It was fun though, to talk with the helper. She talked a lot about her private life; about her husband, sons, and one of their wife. Today was the last day I could spend time with the helper. When she was about to leave the house, I thanked her from the bottom of my heart for being nice to my parents and supporting them.
***
Let me talk about my brother. We are only one year apart so that we grew up like twin brother and sister. However, after his marriage, he has changed into a cold hearted person.
My mom didn’t tell my brother about my visit of this time. On my second day of this trip, I happened to pick up a phone call from my brother to my parents at home phone. My brother sounded to be surprised at my voice, but he never said any kinds words to me. Normal siblings would have asked me how I am doing or when I arrived and when to leave. My brother gave me no greetings; nothing.
Around 6 p.m., my brother showed up at my parents’ house. He went straight to my dad and asked for the land title for sales. My dad answered he still could not find it anywhere. My brother got after my dad for that. Also my brother mentioned about my dad’s younger brother being angry to my dad. Today my brother received a phone call from our uncle. Our uncle was mad about my dad’s purchasing a grave without telling him in advance.
After my brother complained about these two cases to my dad, then he turned to my mom and asked how she was. She answered him that she was very sick. My brother simply said he could see it. That was it. My brother left.
My brother had noticed my existence all the time, but didn’t say a word to me. I don’t know what is wrong with him. He has changed into a completely different person. He is now worse than a stranger. Even a stranger can be slightly nicer than him.
I noticed my brother and our uncle (my dad’s younger brother) are close; they are frequently communicating on the phone. I really felt myself being isolated from this family and relatives. I am nothing to them.
***
For dinner my mom could eat small amount of the sushi that I brought back from the restaurant. After I helped her for a bath, she went back to bed again. She had spent almost all day in bed.
I escorted her to the upstairs’ bed. I stayed there with my mom for a while.
I told her my honest feeling. I feel isolated from this family and relatives. I don’t want to attend funerals for my parents. My mom fully understood what I meant and she agreed with my plan.
My mom wants to pass away at home. She already mentioned about her desire to my dad and my brother as well as all the doctor, the nurses, and the helpers. All of them understood, except for my dad.
If anybody calls for an ambulance for my mom in the event of emergency, the doctor will try to extend her life with a CPR (Cardiopulmonary resuscitation). They will try to extend her life with all the feeding tubes. It is not actually living. My mom wants to avoid the situation at all costs.
I told my mom to communicate with her late dad and late older sister and ask them to come pick her up while she is asleep. If she has a heart attack or a seizure, my dad will definitely call for an ambulance. If she goes while asleep, my dad cannot stop it. It is the most peaceful way. I want to leave this world for my time. My mom agreed and she would do so. Then, she fell asleep.
I started packing my luggage for my trip back to America tomorrow. I had a hard time to put everything in, because I came here with only a small carry case.
***
Around 8 p.m. when both of my parents already went to bed, the entrance doorbell rang. It was my cousin. He came to visit me as he knew I would leave tomorrow.
I mentioned about my mom of last night that she was very close to the death line. I thought she would dye on me last night. He was surprised because he visited my parents yesterday right before my mom went for the hyperthermia treatment. My mom was not that sick at that time. We both agreed it was definitely the treatment that drained her physical strength.
My cousin started shedding tears. He is very kind hearted. He cares for my mom a lot as if she were his sister. He promised me to visit my mom as much as he can. He would leave for Kyushu for his business trip tomorrow and stay there for one week. He said he does not want to go. He concerned my mom a lot.
***
My cousin and I had a good talk.
He asked about my brother and his wife. He was wondering why they are such cold-hearted to my parents.
My cousin has been helping my parents a lot, especially in last June when both of them had a surgery for cancer. He went to the hospital almost every day to support my parents. During that time, he never saw my brother’s wife.
He saw my brother at the hospital once. It was my mom’s hospital release day. My cousin was supporting my mom with his one arm and some of my mom’s bags with his other arm. When my brother passed by them, even though my brother clearly saw my cousin, my brother didn’t greet or thank to my cousin. My brother complained my mom that even though he was super busy for his work, he needed to come to the hospital to listen from her doctor about the status as her family. My cousin couldn’t believe what he just heard from my brother. He was shocked on what a cold-hearted person my brother has become. But my brother didn’t say anything to anybody about it.
I didn’t know how rude my brother was to my cousin. I apologized my cousin on behalf of my brother for his rude attitude.
***
I thought I should share my life briefly with my cousin, because I believe it is related the reason why my brother has changed into such a cold-hearted person.
When I was 25 years old, I was young and brave; aka, naïve. I thought I could take over my dad’s position being a president of his company. That was how I entered to my dad’s company. When I started working at my dad’s company, I already regretted about my decision. It was so tough for me. I wanted to leave his company as soon as possible.
While I was desperately looking for a good reason for me to leave my dad’s company, I met one guy. We dated only for three months. And silly me, I decided to marry him. I thought a marriage might be a good reason for me to leave from the current situation.
However, through this marriage, I entered to another silly mistake. It was a stupid idea to marry somebody whom you don’t know well. After started living together, I noticed this man being abusive. I underwent a domestic violent from him every day. I could not tell anybody the truth. My marriage went by like that for the first one year. Then, my mom noticed my bruises all over my body.
After one year of our marriage life of living together, I moved to a new place and started living by myself. Getting divorced was not easy for me and my parents, because my parents had been clinging on to the old way of thinking. They believed a divorce as a taboo. My parents asked us to hide the truth. So, even though we didn’t love each other anymore, and we didn’t live together anymore, we needed to pretend to still be a happily married couple. After we lived our separated life for eight months, my parents finally agreed us to officially get divorced and announce the truth.
At that time, my brother was gentle-hearted one. My brother and I were very close mentally. He had witnessed me having a hard time at my dad’s company. He offered me to switch the position. He entered to my dad’s company to take over his position, and he told me I can leave the company and live my life freely.
I appreciated my brother from the bottom of my heart, because right after I resigned my dad’s company, I started living my life freely. I started coming to America and met my husband in 1998. It was the beginning of my life in America.
I honestly believe this is the main and root cause for my brother to be changed to a cold-hearted person.
***
Once my brother started working at my dad’s company, he went through much more tougher and meaner situation than I had. At that time he was still single. Many people criticized him for not being married at his age. I believe my brother went through the severe stress just like I had. Then he made the similar mistake that I made. He had an arranged marriage and married to a woman whom he had hardly known. And, since his marriage, he and I could never be the same as before. We seldom talked since then. My brother and I never had an argument or fight, but since his marriage, we haven’t talked for close to 20 years now. I am just feeling very sad for what happened to my brother. It might be as he planned before he was born. Who knows? As a human me, and as a younger sister of him, I just miss my brother who is originally good-hearted.
***
My cousin was surprised and shocked at my story.
In return, my cousin shared his life with me.
In his personal opinion, he is supportive to a divorce. He believes it is normal that people make a mistake. He believes when a marriage does not go well, they should get divorced as soon as possible so that they can find their right one on their next opportunity.
He said his dad got divorced once. He was a child of his previous marriage. Later, his dad married to my aunt. Therefore, my aunt is not his biological mother. I didn’t know about this at all. And, that means, my cousin and I are not biologically connected.
He also shared with me another shocking fact.
He said his own marriage has been collapsed for many years. He and his wife are still married and they still live in the same house, but they don’t talk to each other at all for many years. His wife doesn’t cook anything for my cousin. He feels he lives all by himself in the house. He still obligates to bring the money for his wife and his three children. I didn’t know all of them, so I was so surprised at his truth.
***
All in all, it was great to have this conversation with my cousin. I appreciate him for visiting me tonight.
three wisdom 