I have been thinking about my dad every day. Last time when I called him was March 31st. Since then I hadn’t called him for more than one month. I know he is feeling lonely. I know he appreciates my phone call.
However, talking with my dad is not fun, to say it at the least. On my last visit of my parents in this past January, my dad made me feel irritated a lot.
I admit I had glorified my dad in my younger years. I had respected him. Even though my mom and my aunt (my dad’s older sister) had told me the true faces of my dad many time, I could not believe them. Now I know from my experiences, I know they were right. My dad has many aspects that I cannot respect or agree with.
I had decided to follow my intuition regarding calling my dad. I wanted to wait until when I feel comfortable talking with him. It was hard for me to follow my intuition by not calling my dad, but I had stayed strong to protect myself, until this evening.
This morning I received a text message from my friend. She suggested me to call my dad. She thought my dad has been waiting for my call every day.
Her message dived into my heart deeply. It made me think I should call my dad right away.
So, I did. Without thinking twice. I regretted that I called my dad, after I hang up the phone with him.
***
I called my dad. My dad was happy to hear my voice. So far so good. Then, he started gradually saying stuff that obviously sounded like he was blaming me for not have called him more than one month. I should have hang the phone at the moment. My dad went on and on asking me many questions and I naturally answered to his questions. Then at the certain point, I noticed my dad’s questions were investigating my mom’s secret bank account. It really made me feel uncomfortable. My dad went on saying the same thing over and over again, that I already asked him to stop saying that anymore. All the things I heard from my dad made me feel uncomfortable and mad.
I reached to the point where I could not put up with listening to him anymore. I told him I’ve got to go and hang up the phone.
After hanged up the phone, I madly regretted that I called him. Why I could not keep standing firmly on my decision. Haven’t I decided not to call him until I will feel strong enough to talk with my dad? My dad at this moment is not normal. I really should keep the sacred distance from him. I am not going to call him for a while again. He successfully ruined my evening and night.
From now on, at least one month or so, I will focus on talking to my dad in soul level. In my mind’s eye, my dad’s soul always stays in noble. He is calm and intelligent. I pray for him for a smooth transition process from the physical dimension to spiritual realm whenever he gets ready, and the process will accompany nothing but a peaceful and happy feeling. I know my dad’s soul’s departure will leave us only appreciation and love to him. I fully trust my dad’s soul can sense my feeling and prayer for the highest good.
three wisdom 