It was a super busy and tiring day.

I woke up 5:20 a.m., and left for the grocery store. After I came back with a whole bunch of grocery for my family during my trip to Japan, I organized the food neatly in the refrigerator, the freezer, and the food cabinet.

I prepared breakfast for my daughter and escorted her to the school bus stop. After that, I cooked some stock foods for them for the week that I am away from them. I kept them in the freezer.

I made some phone calls with the travel agency and purchased a round trip airplane ticket to Japan departing tomorrow and coming back one week later.

I did some research about cell phone and Wifi that I can use during my trip. I decided to purchase a pocket Wifi that I can rent in Japan for one week. It was my first time to use the poket Wifi, so it took me some time to read through their procedure and prices.  

In the early afternoon, I went to my daughter’s school to escort her to the library.

After came back home, for just one hour, I talked with my Japanese friend through the online chatting app. I mentioned her about my flu. I seldom catch a cold, but I recently caught a flu and just recovered from the symptom. My friend told me it was understandable. We have such an unexpected and huge discharge from our body as a part of process of life transition. I agree with her. I am facing at one of the baggiest life changing transitions.

After the conversation with my friend, I quickly drove to the library to pick my daughter up.

Then I cooked dinner for everybody.

After dinner, my family and I went for our regular exercise walk.

After the bath, I finally finished packing for the trip.

We all went to bed at 8 p.m., but nobody could fall asleep right away. We all were feeling nervous about my trip to japan. Since my daughter was born, I was never away from my family, even only one night. It will be totally new to all of us family of my leaving away from my family for one week.

My daughter and I cried for a while for feeling lonely and anxiety of missing each other.

At the same time though, we both knew we would be okay. We will grow mentally through this experience.

I have been thinking of my mom for this past one month. I kept sending her a message through LINE app. Although I saw all my messages were read by her in LINE app’s feature, my mom hasn’t replied back to me since December 25^th; Christmas Day, where she sent me a short message, that she has been very sick.

I could have called to my parents’ house. My dad would answer the house phone. I could not do so, because I was too scared to hear from my dad about the serious health situation about my mom.

***

This morning my mom changed the situation.

When I woke up, I noticed one new message on LINE app. It was from my mom. She said she would call me at 10 a.m. in her time, which will be 6 p.m. in my time.

I got so scared to hear from her about what was going on with her. But at the same time, I knew I should know the current situation on what was going on with her. I have to face the truth.

***

At 6 p.m. in my time, I was on the phone with my mom.

As soon as I heard my mom’s first voice, I could not stop my tears falling down on my cheek. Her voice sounded very weak. She said she has been very sick. She was feeling she would not live long due to her cancer.

Previously in last year, whenever I offered my mom to visit and support her, such as in August and September of 2019, she would always turn down my offer. This time was different though. When I offered my visit and support, she instantly accepted my offer.

I realized how bad her health condition was. I am scared to face the fact, but I have to do so, for both of my mom and myself.

I went to the Vietnamese restaurant with my friend. There, we ate Pho; Vietnamese noodle soup. We enjoyed their food a lot.

As usual, my friend and I had a good time together.

I feel comfortable spending time with her. We have many things in common, such as in the same hometown and sun sign.

She is planning to move to a different city in next summer of 2021. I am definitely going to miss this get-together time with her.

My daughter’s sick is still there. She has lost her appetite for three days. All she could eat was small amount of fresh fruits; some oranges, raspberries, and apples. She has been almost fasting for three days.

Her coughs got much better. She seldom coughs. She still have mild fever. This morning she said wanted to be absent from school today.

I too felt sick, so my daughter and I stayed in bed almost all day.

This morning both of my parents visited in my dream. They said they missed me a lot.

In my recent dream, it is always the same situation. My dad is actively moving but my mom isn’t.

I haven’t heard from my mom for almost one month. I am scared to call my dad at home. I am too scared to hear any bad news about my mom.

Yesterday I spent almost all day with my daughter. She asked me to lay down in bed with her while she was taking a nap. Although she had a high fever, her body got chill feeling and was shivering. I kept warming her up. While I was close to her yesterday, I started feeling sick.

During the night I woke up from the sore throat and coughing. I didn’t have a high quality sleep.

And easily imagined, I woke up feeling sick.

The fact that I caught a cold was shocking to me.

I seldom caught a cold in my life up until now. I hardly ever had a cold nor a high fever in my childhood. Even in my adulthood days, I seldom got cold. I always appreciate it was thanks to my female hormone.

Now that I am in the process of menopause, as my female hormone has getting lower, I am much more easily getting sick than before.

I still have a confidence that my cold won’t get too bad. I know I can get over it quickly.

Last night my family and I went to the planetarium. We went to see the leaser show of Stranger Things. We are big fans of Stranger Things so that we could fully enjoy the leaser show and the songs.

The only downside of the laser show was the location and the show time. It was 1.5 hour away from our house, and the show time was 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. We seldom go anywhere in the night.

When we finally were back home, it was past 10:30 p.m.

We quickly took a hot bath and went to bed. My daughter was so tired that she could not fully dry her hair. She fall asleep with the wet hair.

***

This morning she woke up feeling sick. It was clear the cause of her sickness was sleeping with wet hair.

She had suffered from a high fever and chill feeling all day long.

I feel guilty about her getting sick. I should have insisted to completely dry her hair before letting her into the bed last night. At least we learned the lesson in a hard way.

I woke up feeling cold. When I opened the curtain and blind of the bedroom, I found snow sitting on the ground and some outdoor chairs in the backyard. It seems we had snow during the night.

***

Right before I left for the school bus stop with my daughter, I grabbed my cell phone and turned “airplane mode” to off. I normally turned airplane mode ON during night from 8:30 p.m. to 6 a.m.

I found one voice message on my cell phone. My heart starting pounding very fast. Instantly and quietly, I prayed that it would not an emergency call from my Japanese parents. Then, I calmed myself down and called the voice message center.

When I heard the familiar voice, I got relieved. It was my daughter’s teacher.

She called me at 9 pm last night. The message was not urgent at all. It was about the 100th day of school on Friday, today. She forgot to inform all the parents and guardians about the cerebration. The school wanted to encourage students to wear something nice. Also they wanted to ask students to bring something related to the number 100. I hope they are having a fun 100th school day cerebration at school.

Again this morning I woke up with the clear memory of my dream.

I had two different sceneries in my dream. The first one was I started cooking dinner for my family. The second one was I started driving my car to somewhere.

These dream indicated my true life is about to start.

***

I value both lives; the life in my dream world as well as the life in my real world. When I am busy thinking or acting in the real world, I seldom remember about my dream. On the other hand, when I am peaceful and relaxing in the real world, I always clearly remember about my dream.

I know this year will be one of my greatest years in life. That is why my family spirits are intensely communicating with me through my dream. I always appreciate their support.

This morning, a panda visited me in my dream.

When I opened the back door of the house, I saw a panda waiting for me at the door. The panda was friendly and filled with love. The panda smiled at me and hugged me. I felt so good about the dream.

***

I woke up feeling good.

A panda indicates “being loved” and “brings a nice encounter with somebody important to me.”

I look forward to the good luck.

***

Later that evening, while I was meditating, my family spirits helped me understand this morning’s dream. The panda indicated somebody whom loving me so much. Now I know the panda represented my mom. I feel her huge love to me. She hasn’t replied back to me since the end of last year. I sent her a message twice, on New Year’s Eve and January 8th. For those two messages, I haven’ received her reply. However, my message was marked as “read” right after delivered, so at least I know my mom has read my message.

I made my mind to believe and trust deeply.

I believe everything will go well for my parents and me.

My mom hasn’t replied back to my message but I believe it is from her love. I accept my mom’s love. Last time when I talked with her on the phone, my mom told me not to worry about them but take good care of myself and my family here in America. I appreciate my mom’s love and sincerely accept her love.

I believe in myself and my family spirits. Everything should go well for my parents and me. I know that, because my parents and I have lived our lives sincerely and honestly. We deserve to receive all the love from our family spirits.