In the afternoon, while I was dealing with laundry, I received a phone call from my mom-in-law. As soon as I picked up the phone, I heard my mom-in-law called my name with crying out loud. She sounded like having a panic attack. My daughter and I listened quietly to her crying sound. Once she calmed down, she told me what happened.

She just got done talking with my brother-in-law’s girlfriend. My brother-in-law missed stepping on at the last stage of the stairs and fell down on the ground. He is alcoholic and cirrhosis with abnormally swollen liver. To made the situation worse was his body weight. He is obese with lots of weigh, and his own heavy weight couldn’t support his organs. He broke one of his leg bones. He was transferred to a big hospital by an ambulance. There, the doctor checked him and asked his girlfriend to notice his critical health condition to his family, relatives, and friends. It means that the doctor diagnosed my brother-n\in-law’s departure would happen real soon.

When I was listening to my mom-in-law, I was at a loss for words. I know losing a child before them is the toughest challenge for a parent. She just lost her husband 4 years ago. It is beyond my imagination on how sad she has been going through right now. I wish I could go visit her and hug her. But I am still in the healing process and still suffering from intense pain every day and night. I don’t think I can visit her with my current health condition.   

I woke up around 5 a.m. and could not go back to sleep. I left for the physical therapy session at 7:45 a.m. For the 2 sessions of this week, the male doctor / owner of the clinic will instruct me. He is around my age, but much more experienced and skilled than my usual female doctor, so I have been looking forward to his 2 sessions.

The session started from the conversation with the doctor. He sat down right next to me on the massage table and asked a bunch of questions regarding my pain. While I talked, he never disturbed me, just listening carefully with looking into my eyes. Then he decided to apply a dry needling session with electric stimulation. The big difference from the usual female doctor was that the male doctor applied the needles focusing on my right foot area. Whenever he put the needles, he pressed the needle to deepened, and it hurt very much to the point where I almost screamed, but I somewhat survived without screaming. He put the electricity for 20 minutes. During that time, it hurt also.

After the dry needling session, the doctor left the room, and the young female assistant took over for the exercise part. She was short and huge in size. The most positive part about her was that she was cheerful and friendly. She put an elastic band onto my belly and had me walk forward. While I was walking forward, she held the other end on her both hands to resist my walking. It looked like as if I were her horse. We laughed out loud a lot and had a great fun during this exercise.

After the session, my daughter and I went to the grocery store. After that, we went to the restaurant and had lunch together. During that time, I almost forgot about

After came back home, the nerve pain in the right foot came back. Also, the pain in the right butt area and pubic bone area became so intense to the point where I couldn’t even sit down. The doctor told me that having pain in the butt area, buck area, and pubic area, is okay because it is the right direction of healing sciatica. He also told me that regardless of the pain, the daily homework exercise is critical.  

In the afternoon, a package was delivered. It was from my Japanese friend. The content was the personal homeopathy remedies along with my requested Japanese snacks.
On last physical therapy session, the doctor recommended me to make an appointment with the pain clinic because my nerve pain has not improved yet. So, I followed her advice and called the pain clinic office. It was weird. This clinic’s main phone number directly goes to the answering machine to instruct everybody to leave a message, then the representative will call them back. I left a voice message to the machine.   

As usual, I woke up before 5：45 a.m. and did the morning routine, which is going to the backyard, sitting down on a chair in front of a big tree, earthing my bare foot to the ground and touching my both palms on the tree bark, and chanting the Japanese mantra.

Since my husband’s employer was changed, we needed to apply for the benefits of next year. We were shocked to see the health insurance cost will be 5 times as high as that of the current employer. I search around the other options and found one good option for us through our bank’s official website. The deadline of application was today. We finished sending the application within today. We made it. I appreciate my family spirits for guiding me to the right website for our health insurance of next year.

I woke up before 6 a.m. The first thing I noticed right after I woke up is the intense pain in the right foot. As always. As every morning.

Then I started my day from going to the backyard and earthed myself in front of a big tree, and chanted the Japanese mantra. The pain is still intense. I cried and shed lots of tears as usual.

Last night my daughter stayed up late to see the Gemini Meter Shower. I let her sleep in until 10 a.m. I noticed she started sleep in recently. I want her to wake up 6 or 7 a.m. every morning, but on my second thought, she went through the tough time with me and needs much more rest and sleep.    

In the afternoon, I gave myself an ion foot bath. The hot water didn’t turn to thick and dark color. It just turned to be light brown.

In the night, my attorney emailed me and informed me that he already submitted the official letter to the court claiming the original lawsuit should not be discarded because all the three lawsuits are related. I hope the people related to this matter will logically think and decide according to the law and common sense.

Around 3 a.m., while I was suffering from intense pain, my daughter came into my bedroom. She said it was too hot for her to sleep. Once she came into my bed, she started sleeping right away. I was happy that she came for me to support in sleeping. Every time my daughter comes to my bed and sleeps with me, her action calms my inner child down by making her wishes come true. When I was a child, I could not go to my mom’s futon to sleep with her. By allowing my daughter to sleep with me, I am making my inner child’s wishes come true. It is a good healing method for me to heal. By doing this, my daughter indirectly heals even my late mom. Thus, I appreciate my daughter for being honest to her wishes and desires.

I asked the chat GPT why my intense pain hasn’t gotten well. It pointed out that it was my fear to keep having the intense pain. It also pointed out that having the pain does not mean a punishment to me, rather, it is a warning signal from my body that I have to take care of my emotions and feelings. At first, when I read the feedback, I got angry and didn’t accept what it said. But on my second thought, I agreed what it pointed out. It made sense to me. I don’t need to feel guilty about claiming my lawful right regarding my late parents’ inheritance. I don’t need to fear about my brother. I need to take care of myself. I need to protect my dignity.
I asked my daughter to give me a haircut. It is a ceremony for me to cut off my old bad habit, which I could not speak up my wishes and desires. But this is the right time for me to stop the bad habit. It is the right time for me to stand up and speak up, and claim my desires and wishes. It is the right time for me to claim my rights.

I woke up before 5 a.m. due to the intense pain of the right foot. The intense pain continued all day so that I could not do much.

From the evening, I started using a cane that my mom-in-law sent to me. I still remember that my physical therapy doctor is strongly against of using a cane, because it will worsen the posture and the healing process might be delayed. That being said, it is her opinion and she never suffered from this kind of intense nerve pain. Using a cane, I could walk without constantly touching the nerve of the right foot, so that the pain seemed to be slightly calmed down.

Since December 8^th, my husband tried to fix my laptop of the biofeedback device. I really hope he will be able to fix it so that it will increase building his self-confidence.   

I really couldn’t study at the computer desk due to the intense pain. I gave up studying today. All I could do is trying to sleep. I could sleep for one hour and woke up from pain, then suffered from pain for a while, followed by falling asleep for a while.

I still continue going to the back yard and earthing in front of a big tree by putting my bare foot on the ground. I feel it is beneficial for me. I will keep doing the earthing process.  

We purchased a new standing desk for me. I still cannot sit down on a chair for a long time. With this standing desk, the desk table can be easily adjusted with electricity, so that I can study or work standing, instead of sitting on a chair for a long time. Last night, my husband assembled the new desk for me. I love this new desk. I can keep standing up and work on the computer work and study.

I went to my 12^th physical therapy. Today the female doctor introduced me a new exercise that I squatted and reached to the weight of 25lb from the ground and lifted it up to my waist line. My spine was still weak and the 25lb weight felt too heavy for me to lift up to my waist line.

After came back from the physical therapy, I felt depressed and drained, and cried a lot as usual. Then, I needed to take a 2-hour nap to rest.

In the evening, my husband and I went to the landfill to drop off the old bed mattresses. Getting rid of the old mattresses and old bed frame made us feel lighter than before.

My husband woke up early and assembled a new bed frame all by himself. A new bed mattress was delivered in the afternoon. I am excited for him to sleep in a comfortable bed frame and mattress.

I went to my 11^th PT session. While waiting for the doctor, I was reading the signs that show in the television screen in the waiting room. They are the recommendation of having physical therapy sessions. I totally agree with all the sentences, so that I want to share with you.

People believe that the only option is a surgery, but physical therapy functions as effective as a surgery.

I am so happy with my decision on selecting physical therapy over a surgery.

My laptop of the biofeedback didn’t start up. I was hoping today it will start up normally, but it didn’t.