My daughter has been intensely working on her school assignments. In the afternoon my husband received a phone call from my mom-in-law. The mortuary office was ready to cremate the body, but the doctor has not sign the necessary document. The cremation might happen on next Monday. We were all surprised for the news. Last time they told us it might take 2 weeks or so.

In the evening at 5 p.m., I talked with my Japanese friend on the phone. It was very comforting to talk with her. She told me that she had read the news about Navajo Nation in Japanese television news. I was surprised to hear that. They reported Navajo Nation has been having many deaths due to Covid and there were long waiting line for cremation.

I woke up in my own bed. I slept well last night.

It was a busy day after the trip. I washed all the clothes including all the sheets and blankets that we used during the trip. I washed shoes and sandals. I wiped off all the suitcase and cooler boxes with Clorox wipes. I also wiped off my car at the door knobs, steering wheel, and interior along with the trunk.

I noticed I had grown white hairs in these several days. My last hair dye was on May 10^th. I didn’t have outstanding white hair for the past three months. I recall my mom told me once that when she dealt with somebody’s funeral, she grew many white hair from stress. It happened to me. It has been really stressful days. My daughter helped me for henna hair dye. I appreciate her kind support.

In the evening my husband and I got a big argument.

At night I did a free flow mediation with the help of HemiSync CD. During the mediation, I talked to my dad-in-law in spirit. I shed lots of tears. I thanked him a lot for everything what he had done to me. He helped me a lot for bringing me in to Navajo culture. We started off our relationship from friendship and it changed into a family of dad-in-law and daughter-in-law. My dad-in-law often talked about starting a business together. We wanted to invite Japanese customers to our home site and share Navajo culture and teaching with them. I apologized him that we could not make it happen while he was alive. He told me he would support from spirit world by sending me the right people for making our dream happen.

I could slept well last night. I am glad that I could sleep through until 7:30 a.m.

We promised my mom-in-law that we would come back for the funeral once the creation is done.

I am glad we could drive back home safely.

I woke up at 4 a.m. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t. I sneaked out from bed trying not to wake my family up and went to kitchen. I started cooking mutton stew. Around 8 a.m., my family woke up and came to kitchen. My husband and I placed all the medical equipment that my dad-in-law rented from the hospital on the truck bed. My mom-in-law needed to return them as soon as possible to avoid being charged the late return penalty.

My mom-in-law needed to go back to the mortuary office again for the appointment at 10 a.m. On their appointment of yesterday, the office people informed her to bring lots of necessary documents for the cremation procedure. She was upset that the office people didn’t tell her about the information in advance. It takes 40 minutes one way from her house to the office. She needed to go there twice, which could have been saved to just one trip.

We arrived at the mortuary 10 minutes earlier than the appointment time. The office seemed to be quite busy with many different families. The energy of the mortuary was deeply low, because they kept many dead bodies waiting for their turn to be created in the same building. Also there were so many sad family members of the deceased person. It was so heavy vibration.  

Yesterday when my mom-in-law came to the mortuary office, she expected her granddaughters to go into the office with her. However, they both refused to go in. They waited in the truck. I was shocked. If I had known this, I would have come with her. I felt sorry for her that she needed to go through the mortuary paperwork all by herself. The mystery solved. That was why she looked drained after she came back from the mortuary office yesterday.

The female worker was nice and thoughtful. I liked her polite attitude. She handed a bunch of papers to my mom-in-law and asked her to go through the details to check for any typos. Right after both of my mom-in-law started checking the documents, they found lots of typos. The death day was typed as august 30^th 2021, which is the future date. The correct date was August 20^th 2021. The death time was wrong in am and pm. The family name had a typo. The female worker apologized to my mom-in-law on behalf of her coworker. She said the office just hired a new worker and all the mistakes were made by the new worker. I almost laughed out loud when the worker confirmed the name of my dad-in-law’s dad’s name as Jam. His correct name was Sam. The office worker said she went through some peculiar names before. She had taken care of a woman whose name was “Bluetrain” and other woman whose name was “Daughter.” She said whenever she encountered a peculiar name, she tries to stay calm and confirm with the family member without making fun of it.

Before we came to the office, some people told us that the cremation should be done quickly. Thus, we all were hoping the cremation would be done preferably today or tomorrow so that we would be able to perform a funeral on Tuesday or Wednesday. The female worker told us currently due to the Covid-19, the cremation would take much longer days than we thought. She shared her personal story with us. Her husband passed away in last November due to Covid. Even though she was a worker at the mortuary office, they made it as quick as possible but it took them for 2 weeks to cremate his body. She also told us there were many people passed away from Covid related reasons. My dad-in-law’s cause of death was also recognized as Covid-related.

Before we left the house, my mom-in-law was feeling scared of the total amount of these procedure. But she had a good amount of cash in hand. The next morning after my dad-in-law passed away, one of his nephews visited my mom-in-law and handed a thick envelope that was a donation for the funeral. After the nephew left, she counted the money and amazed of the generous amount. The Navajo Nation had a support system for the cremation fee. My mom-in-law could pay off the remainder fee in cash.

The office worker suggested my mom-in-law to identify my dad-in-law’s body, but she refused to do so. My husband was willing to do so on behalf of his mom. He was escorted by two female workers side by side and went into the room where all the dead bodies were kept in the huge refrigerator. According to my husband, my dad-in-law was all naked and in a zipped bag. Because of the Covid, the workers needed to get rid of clothes. When the worker unzipped the top part of the bag, my husband could see my dad-in-law’s face and shoulder. He was very skinny and looked like a little boy’s body. The good thing was though, he looked relaxed. His face expression looked like he was little bit smiling. My husband wanted to touch his dad’s body, but he was not allowed. He almost cried but held the tears back.

Right before my husband came back to our room, I sensed his sadness. Because my husband could not shed tears, I started shedding lots of tears. I still think I cried on behalf of my husband.

After we left the mortuary office, we stopped by at the medical equipment rental store and returned all the items that my dad-in-law rented.

On the way back home, I slept in the truck. I was surrounded by sad energy and exhausted.

We were planning to stay until Friday. However, we at this moment don’t know when they create the body. So, we decided to go back home tomorrow.

In the evening we went to the grocery store and bought 5 small cakes to cerebrate my husband’s birthday one day early. His birthday is actually tomorrow, but we will be driving all day tomorrow. My daughter, mom-in-law, my brother-in-law’s daughter and I sang a birthday song for my husband. we all wished my dad-in-law was there with us for the birthday cerebration.

Last night my brother-in-law and his wife went back home, but their daughter stayed with my mom-in-law for another several nights. My brother-in-law’s first daughter came back to the house to support my mom-in-law.

In the morning my mom-in-law had the appointment at the mortuary office about my dad-in-law’s cremation. My dad-in-law passed away at the Friday night and the mortuary office was closed on weekends. My brother-in-law’s two daughters went to the mortuary office with my mom-in-law.

My family and I went to the family graveyard and prepared for the funeral. There were many sage brushes and cacti around the graves and we needed to pull them and make the area clean for the funeral visitors. Once we started working on the yard work, my mom-in-law’s sister joined to help us. I hadn’t talked to her for several years, so it was good to have opportunities to talk with her. It was a hard work. it took the four of us all morning to finish the yard work. By the time we finished the work, we suffered from sore muscle.

On the way back from the mortuary office, my mom-in-law called us and told us to meet up at the Denny’s for lunch. My mom-in-law looked sad and exhausted. She didn’t talk much after we came back home.  

We woke up in the hotel room. Sadness for losing my dad-in-law still stayed with us. We were sad and exhausted. We didn’t feel like doing anything. We just wanted to relax and rest in bed for a while. The hotel served the hotel guests a cold breakfast bag. It contained a Jimmy Dean’s breakfast sandwich, a bagel, a pack of cream cheese, a chocolate muffin, and an orange juice. I was amazed for their generous amount for the breakfast. We checked out the hotel around 11 a.m. and headed to my mom-in-law’s house.

My brother-in-law told us last night that he and his family would leave around noon. My mom-in-law told us we could stay at the trailer house after my brother-in-law and his family left. When we arrived there after noon, they were still there.

In the afternoon we had some visitors. The first visitors were my dad-in-law’s sisters. My dad-in-law had 5 siblings; 2 brothers and 3 sisters. His 2 brothers always passed away. My mom-in-law told about the last moment of my dad-in-law in details. My dad-in-law’s death was confirmed at 10:22 p.m., and his death certificate shows his departure time as 22:22. It really sounds like him. He had been contributing a lot to establish peace as the Navajo traditional peacemaker. The number “2” means “peace.” Also his life path number was “22” which is a master number being a teacher. I am sure he is satisfied to have his departure time as “22:22.” And, interestingly at this moment when I am writing this story, it is August 22^nd and it adds up another “22.”

My brother-in-law left the house around 3 p.m. My family could finally get in the trailer house. We needed to start cleaning the trailer house because they left as it was without cleaning. Around 4 p.m., my husband received a phone call from his brother. They got a flat tire on the road where was located about 1 hour away from their parents’ house. It was weird that even though his car was still new of just 2 years old, the car didn’t carry a spare tire. My husband and my brother-in-law’s first daughter went to rescue them. They didn’t come back until 8 p.m. I thought my dad-in-law made this accident for this brothers. My husband and his brother were not close. They seldom see each other. Every time when they see each other, they don’t hug or even greet. His family and my family usually don’t greet. It is very weird and uncomfortable. This unexpected accident made the brothers get close. They talked and laughed each other while processing on fixing the flat tire. I guess my dad-in-law was happy to see his sons getting close for this accident.

At night my brother-in-law’s first daughter brought her boyfriend to the house. My mom-in-law wanted to relax the night together with a campfire. My husband built a fire and we all 6 people sat down surrounded by the campfire. Later on my husband’s cousin joined us so that we were 7 people. We all talked nice things about my dad-in-law.

It was a busy day. I personally am not good at dealing with a crowded people and I was exhausted. My daughter shares the personality with me and she too was exhausted. At night she got an allergic reaction. Her both eyes got all red and itchy. She got bloody nose. After a long relaxing shower, she got recovered from the allergic symptoms.

I could not sleep well last night. During the night at a certain time, our bed room got so hot that all of us woke up sweating. I knew it was a sign for a group of spirits appear to raise the atmosphere temperature high, so that my dad-in-law visited with his family spirits. I had only 4 hours sleep, but I woke up at 6 a.m. and started getting ready for the trip to Navajo Nation.

We usually stayed at the trailer house that used to belong to my husband’s grandparents, but this time my husband’s brother took the room. So, before we left our house, we needed to reserve a hotel. When we visited the closest hotel’s official website, it showed all the rooms were booked and there was no vacancy. When I called the hotel hoping they had one room available for emergency, but it didn’t go well. The hotel receptionist told me they didn’t have any rooms available. I needed to reserve another hotel which is located little bit far away from my in-laws. We were planning to stay there for one week, but the hotel rate was much higher than I expected. It would cost a lot for one week stay. So, I just reserved only for 2 nights; for tonight and tomorrow night. I was not sure how long my brother-in-law would stay in the trailer house at this moment. My husband and I decided to negotiate with his brother about the trailer house so that we would not need to stay one week at the hotel.

***

My husband was in a shock state and exhausted, so I drove most of the trip. Two songs from the car radio sounded like messages from my dad-in-law. For some reasons, especially the first song played more than three times during the trip. Don’t you think it weird? I think these are definitely messages from my dad-in-law.

The first song was Anna Kendrick’s Cups (Pitch Perfect’s “When I’m Gone”).

The lyric goes like this.

When I’m gone

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

You’re gonna miss me by my hair

You’re gonna miss me everywhere, oh

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

***

The second song was Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

It is a long song, but this part of the lyric stood out for me today.

Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go,

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

Mama, oooh

I don’t want to die,

These songs almost made me cry, but I wanted to concentrate on driving. If I cry, I would have kept on crying and it would have made my driving vision narrow. I tried to think about some good and fun memories about my dad-in-law.

***

We arrived at the hotel around 8:30 p.m. the sun was still out. Even though we were exhausted, we wanted to go see my mom-in-law. After checked in, we jumped in the car and headed to my mom-in-law’s house. My brother-in-law and his wife and daughter were already there with my mom-in-law. They were watching moon with a telescope that used to belong to my dad-in-law. I went to my mom-in-law and hugged her. She started crying. I held my tears. But when we entered to the trailer house and saw my dad-in-law’s clothes, I couldn’t hold my tears anymore. I started crying a lot. He is not here anymore.

It was a peaceful day until night. In the afternoon my husband and daughter went to the ice cream store that was newly opened recently.

In the night, my husband and daughter watched the movie. Since it was an action movie and not my favorite type of movie, I stayed in my room and enjoyed watching my favorite comedy show on computer. At 8 p.m. sharp, I heard my husband’s phone was ringing. I heard my husband answered the phone saying “Hi mom.” Then it went to silent. Then about 20 minutes later, I felt a sudden tight feeling around my heart, as if somebody squeezed my heart. The sudden pain continued just for some seconds and went away. I thought of my dad-in-law. I looked at the clock of the computer screen. It was 8: 22 p.m.

Then 20 minutes later my husband came to me with serious face. He whispered my dad-in-law had not been breathing for 23 minutes now. My husband asked his cousin who lives close to my in-law’s house. By the time my husband’s cousin arrived at my in-laws’ house, my dad-in-law was down on the floor, and my mom-in-law was trying to bring my dad-in-law back by performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My mom-in-law already called an ambulance and waiting for them to arrive. When all the medical team arrived, they did their best at the site and also they brought my dad-in-law to the hospital.

We decided to leave tomorrow morning for Navajo Nation and started packing.

Around midnight we received a phone call from my mom-in-law to announce my dad-in-law’s departure.

I tried to get some sleep but could not until after 2 a.m. My husband’s phone call kept on ringing. It was from his mom, brother, and niece. Everybody had a hard time to accept my dad-in-law’s departure.

I felt scared of going to Navajo Nation at this moment. Just 2-3 days ago, my husband told me his cousin’s girlfriend was tested positive for Covid-19. They all live in the close distance each other. Also I often hear the Navajo people have been still suffering from Covid-19 and their infection and death rate are still high; much higher than other areas. Besides, my dad-in-law had Covid-19 and died from it. I asked my family spirits if I should go as a whole family or if I should ask my husband to go alone. The answer came back right away. Somebody told me right next to my left ear. The voice said that you should go because my mom-in-law needs me for support.” The voice sounded like my dad-in-law. I asked my family spirits to protect us from sickness, and they confirmed they would definitely protect us for this trip.

Today’s dream: I was in the middle of moving. My husband and I were busy packing items in the moving truck. We had several helpers. Probably they were our friends, even though I didn’t recognize any of them in the real world. I had two children; a daughter and a son. My son was still a new born baby. I went back to the house. My late mom was in our house. She looked young and beautiful. She was wearing nice clothes and putting on makeup nicely. I asked my mom to watch my children and she happily accepted my request. It was amazing that I could see my mom clearly in my dream. I woke up happily.

***

I woke up earlier than normal and went to two grocery stores. When I came back home, my daughter told me my husband was in severe pain from strained back and could not get out from bed. He stayed most of day in bed. In the evening I encouraged him to move around instead of staying still. He agreed and went for a walk in the neighborhood area. After the walk, thankfully his pain got much better. I should have encouraged him earlier so that he didn’t need to waste his off-day.

My daughter had another benchmark test started at 9 a.m. Just like two days ago, the same annoying error message appeared on the computer screen and she could not log in to the test. I needed to do the same procedure as two days ago; called the Tech Support and wait for somebody to pick up the phone and explained the situation from the beginning. Every time when we call the Tech Support, a different person answers the phone and they don’t share the information. By the time when the issue was solved and my daughter could start the test, it was already 10 a.m. so that she had to hurry up and finish the test only for one hour that is one hour shorter than other students. Other than that, our afternoon went by peacefully.

Another hectic moment came back at night. Toward our going-to-bed time, my daughter finally finished her science assignment that is due today. She needed to draw some diagrams and take pictures and post it on the file. When she took pictures from my cell phone, they didn’t appear clearly. So I took out a printer and tried to scan the pictures. But for some unknown reasons, my printer app was completely gone from my PC, even though we just used it within the same week for my husband’s work paperwork. Due to the rainstorm, the Internet was on and off. I had a tough time to download the printer app from the manufacture’s official page. By the time we finally fixed the issue of the printer and my daughter scanned the pictures and submitted the file, it was already past 10 p.m., which is considered as “the middle of night” for us. It was a long and tiring day. I hope tomorrow will turn out to be a good one for us.