I had lunch with my Japanese friend at the mall. Our three hours went by so quickly. I appreciate her for being my friend. I feel comfortable chatting with her.

Our tax refund came into our bank account.

I was a bit surprised. It took much faster than the previous year. Last year it took 25 days, but this year only 15 days.

I often think of my parents about their what-if stories.

Both of my parents took a one night hypostatized examination where the doctors checked their body thoroughly. With this examination, my dad was diagnosed as stomach cancer and my mom as colon cancer.

What if they didn’t take this examination?

My dad lost his 2/3 parts of stomach. My mom and I thought he would quit smoking and drinking alcohol. But our guess was wrong. After he stayed six weeks at the hospital, the first thing he did at his own house was to smoke a bunch of cigarettes and drank his favorite alcohol. He didn’t lose appetite and still can eat a pretty big amount at restaurant. Am I the only one who think he didn’t need to have the surgery? Before the surgery, he didn’t have any pain in his stomach. I wonder the doctor took his stomach for nothing?

In my mom’s case, the doctor did her a surgery of endoscopic submucosal dissection. But the doctor just found out the cancer cells were already spread all over her body. The doctor didn’t do anything for the surgery. Instead, the doctor strongly suggested 6 sessions of chemotherapy. My mom could not refuse the chemotherapy and took 2 sessions. After that, she refused the treatment anymore.

Before the surgery, my mom was already very sick. I wonder the doctor really needed to do the surgery and chemotherapy treatments?

All I can do is just think about it. They are my parents’ decision. All I can do is learn from them. 

In the morning my husband and I did lots of work at home.

We cut the wood for my wood DIY projects. Then we cleaned the backyard. The weeds got taller than my daughter. They were getting taller every day. After one hour of yard work, I noticed itchy sensation on all over my body. I went inside and looked into a mirror. All over my body from toe to head, including face got swollen red and bumpy. I quickly took a long shower and bath. The hot water helped to shake off all the allergic causes from my body.  

***

In the evening, a light bulb burned out in the bedroom. After we exchanged it to a new one, the same thing happened at the living room. Two light bulbs burned out at the same time on the same day.

I took it as a sign that my mom’s physical strength is getting weaker.

I had a 60-minute massage session this morning.

I still have some stiffness in my body from the long flight. The massage therapist worked on long for my left shoulder.

It was a great massage. I wish I can go back to this massage therapist many times.

I talked with my mom on the phone.

She mentioned her body is getting weaker. Somebody recommended her to take Maruyama Vaccine as the last hope to get well. So, she started the treatment.

In today’s conversation, my mom said something I didn’t want to hear. It was my parents’ old habit to complain about my appearance. My mom started nudging about my appearance. How poor and miserable I appeared in my no-make up in my face, old and miserable looking outfits, and bushy hair. I used to hear this all the time when I was living in Japan.

My mom said my dad completely agreed with her. They both agreed how poor and miserable I appeared. My mom said they worry about me so much because of my appearance.

I could not stand for listening her old habit. I hanged up the phone with her with a bitter feeling.

I admit I am not a fashionable person. I don’t put a make-up on my face because my body does not tolerate of any chemical products in my body system. I don’t live my life to show myself off to anybody else.

That reminded me how different my mom and I are.

My mom is a fashionable person. The nurse and the house helper told me this. My mom was wearing a tight bra and a tight underwear, even a body suit to look herself nice. She would wear make-up every morning to go to hospital and grocery store. Even now in her severe sickness, while I was at their house, she changed her outfit to a nicer one to just go to the bank or credit union. When I suggested my mom to keep wearing a comfortable outfit such as a buggy pants or a sweater, she refused.

I respect and accept her preference. I don’t say anything about it. I want them to do the same. I want them to stop controlling me to fit me to their preference. I don’t tolerate my parents’ pushing their preference to me anymore.

In the evening my family and I went to the meeting of Cub Scout.

Yesterday the regional director of the organization visited my daughter’s class and invited kids to the meeting. She briefly explained what they can expect from being a member. My daughter and all the other classmates were so excited to hear the director’s introduction. Many of her classmates said they would join.

***

When my daughter asked me to go to the introduction meeting of Cub Scout, I was happy that she was interested in.

Back when I was a high school student, I joined at Cub Scout as an assistant leader. I worked as a volunteer so I didn’t get paid. In return I didn’t need to pay for anything such as a fee for camping loading or food. Among all of the benefits, I liked to experience as a leader. Those days, I wanted to become an elementary school teacher.

To become an assistant leader was easy for me at that time. One of my acquaintances told me about the opening. One Cub Scout leader was looking for someone for the position. I received his phone number and called him. He asked me to go see him for the interview. We liked each other right away and he gave me the position. I started participating their activity from the weekend of the interview day. I worked for them for about one year. Since I was friendly and outgoing, I could easily make friends with the kids. I enjoyed working in the nature with the pure hearted kids. It is still one of my precious experiences in life.

In my leader’s division, he set the members with only boys. He divided into two age groups. One was the younger group consisted kindergarteners to second graders. The other was older group consisted third graders to fifth graders. I was assigned to the older group. I liked my leader’s decision of separating older boys and younger boys. The younger boys are still hard to listen quietly. They need more supports and assistance than the older boys. Their abilities are obviously different.

*** 

Once we got to the meeting room, the majority attendees were younger boys of kindergarteners to first graders. My daughter expected some of her female classmates to be there, but none of them were there.

The regional director started the meeting. She was probably in her 60s. She had a very short hair just like that of a man. She was very skinny and tall. She was wearing a uniform of a tight shirt and tight pants. With all approaches, she looked like unisex; man and woman.

***

Today’s meeting was mainly about the information for adults.

She explained she needs adults’ volunteers to make this happen. Specifically five adults. When a volunteer person submits the application form, the organization will do the background check for the person and provide all the necessary online training. During her explanation, all the small boys got bored and fussy. They started making noise, and their noise got louder and louder.

When it comes to taking questions from attendees, mainly four parents started asking a bunch of questions taking in turns. Their questions continued on and on…

By the time the length of the meeting reached to one hour, one kindergartener quietly raised her hand. The regional director granted the girl to ask her question. Her question was simple and easy. She asked “how long more minutes this meeting will take?” We all busted into laughter. This little girl bravely asked the question that all the other attendees eager to ask. With her question, the meeting was ended. We could finally left the meeting room.

***

I asked my daughter if she still wants to join this group. She shook her head. My husband and I got relieved to see her reaction.

***

These are the reasons.

First is the costs. They can be pricey in all together. The member has to pay the monthly fee and buy a set of uniform and textbooks. The regional director says the financial aid is available, but most likely we are not qualified.

Second is how to set the age qualification. Their qualification if from 5 years old to 11 years old. As far as I saw in the attendees to the meeting, they will be nothing but young boys and they were pretty loud and fussy.

Third is how to set genders. This group is a combination of boys and girls. But at the meeting I didn’t see any other girl except for my daughter. I saw some older girls but they are older than 11 years old. They just attended the meeting for their younger brother. My daughter’s main reason to join was to make new female friends, but it seems to be no opportunities for that.

After we came back home, I was a bit disappointed to know this is not suitable for my daughter’s desire.

I hope we will find another good opportunity for my daughter to make new female friends around same age group.   

Here in Arizona, it is already the weather of spring. I started waking up in the middle of night for my allergic reaction. My runny nose and sneezes wake me up.

Here comes a throat steamer comes handy. I started using the steamer every morning.

I had a 60-minute massage session this morning.

I still have some stiffness in my body from the long flight. The massage therapist worked on long for my left shoulder.

It was a great massage. I wish I can go back to this massage therapist many times.

It was a federal holiday celebrated as President Day.

My friend needed to babysit her 2-year-old granddaughter all day long because her daughter had her regular work. My friend invited my daughter and me to go to the mall together. She wanted the little ones to play together in the jumping castle in the mall.

I thought it a good idea. My daughter likes to take care of little children.

After I saw them playing together for a while, I regretted my decision. My daughter could not fully enjoy herself. My daughter is so gentle and kind that she constantly paid attention to her 2-year-old friend. The little one was bossy around and my daughter respected the little one’s decision all the time. My daughter could not fully enjoy jumping to make sure she would not hit the little one moving around everywhere.

Both my daughter and I exhausted for babysitting the little one. I need to be more careful when it comes to a play-date with small children next time.