I talked with my friend through Skype. It has been two months since I talked with her in person last time.

We have been friends since we were small. Our mental distance is like an ocean wave. Sometimes we feel each other very close, while sometimes we feel each other very far.

Right now is when I feel her far away from me mentally.

We never got argued nor fought. I don’t know exact reason why this mental gap happened between us.

Even though we chatted through Skype for more than two hours as usual, I kept feeling her far away from me.

For some reasons, every words she said today sounded to me very coldhearted. Of course I know she didn’t mean to be coldhearted or cruel.

She mentioned about her menopause symptom. She has been going through the menopause process ahead of me. She said the menopause symptom had started three years ago for her. During these three years, she had experienced a hot flash and a sudden sweating. The worst experience for her was the depression feeling. She had felt isolated and lonely and she believes it was one of the menopause symptoms.

While listening to her, I recall her often talking about the symptom some years ago. She also said she now feels much better than before. Now that she doesn’t have her monthly period for two years or so, she feels good about it. She described it as “finally got released from un-balancedness”

So, I guess it might be me who feels difference in her words tone in today’s conversation. I might be mentally depressed and started considering everything in negative way.

Or maybe she is still having a tough time during this transition years. We both are going through our physical transition, our daughter’s transition, and our parents’ transition. We both are running to the same direction and we both are equally exhausted with the transitions in daily life.

I should not take anything in personal. I believe our mental distance will get close again sometimes.

♬ Any feedback? (^^♪

This morning my dad visited me in my dream.

In my dream I received a phone call from my dad. He said my mom and he could not go to Republic of Turkey because I wrongly typed the code to enter. Also he said he could not find a cicada.

After I woke up from the dream, I thought of my dad.

I didn’t know exactly what this dream means nor the message from this dream. But I did feel my dad’s sadness for being sick.

I keep praying for my parents. I keep sending my good thoughts to my parents.

I hope they will always receive whatever supports and help they need. They are very good people and they deserve to receive all the support and kindness from people.

♬ Any feedback? (^^♪

I had my 9th treatment with my first acupuncturist. I had a treatment 7 times with my second acupuncturist.

Before I left to the acupuncturist’s office, I made my mind not to tell my acupuncturist about my private life, especially about my Japanese family.

Thus, when I entered her healing room, I sat down a different chair from usual. I usually sit down the chair right next to her, but today, I sat down the chair away from her.

Our session started as usual. My acupuncturist started asking me with many questions. Her routine questions are like this. How have I been doing? How is my recent life? How is my family? How is my parents in Japan? Is there anything that cause me stressed out?

I tried to calm myself. To all her questions I was planning to answer “everything is fine and everything stays the same.” I really didn’t want to mention about my Japanese parents. However, for some reasons, some words about my parents slipped out from my mouth. In that moment, I started shedding lots of tears. It was as if my own words got rid of the barrier of the tears.

While I was shedding tears, my acupuncturist came closer to me and gently stroked my back. I was surprised to see her also shedding tears with me. Maybe my crying about my parents triggered her remembering about her recently passed away mom.

She encouraged me to work on forgiving myself. She said nobody is blaming me but myself. I agree with her. Nobody is blaming me. I am the one who keeps blaming me for not going back to Japan and not supporting my parents for their painful and tough days.

***

Then she proceeded to her another routine. She checked my pulse and tongue. She said my lung pulse was very, very weak. It was due to my sadness. She also mentioned my kidney was very strong. I thought of my Kusurie (Japanese healing art) in my bedroom. It is for strengthen my kidney. It is for sure working for me. I appreciate for the Kusurie’s healing power.

Her acupuncture and tuina treatment was relaxing as usual.

♬ Any feedback? (^^♪

It was the new school start day for my daughter.

The bus was very late. It was supposed to come at 7:54 am, according to the time schedule. When it finally came, it was already past 8:15 am, which is the school start time.

***

It has been two months and half since I had my alone time during the day time. I have many items in my to-do-list. I started working on the items one by one. 

This summer break went by so quickly. The biggest reason is that my daughter didn’t attend the summer school as the previous three years. I spent all day long with her during the entire of her summer break. We had fun together, going to the outdoor pool and the indoor pool. We also went to a various types of trail waking.

I was planning to teach her Japanese language every day during the summer break, but my plan didn’t continue for long. I think it is okay. Since I always talk to her in Japanese, she has accumulated Japanese words in her. I believe eventually she will start speaking Japanese fluently.

Now I am missing the time with her. But at the same time, I am willing to enjoy my alone time. I hope she will have a great school year with her new teacher and old classmates. I know she will.

***

Every time when I see my daughter, I am filled with love. I am thankful to her for being born to be my daughter.  

♬ Any feedback? (^^♪

When my friend came to visit us, she mentioned about two of our common acquaintances. Since I don’t get in touch with them, I didn’t know about their recent life.

One is my boss at the Lakota tour. He is now 60 years old. The other one is the Lakota man who hosted the tour. He is now 75 years old.

When I heard about their age, I was astonished. On my second thought though, it sounds about right. I am 49 years old. We all equally have aged. It is fair.

I also heard they are still offering a Lakota tour. The last information I heard from my friend was about the Lakota man and his wife. He married to a Japanese woman and they had hosted the tour for years. But now they were not together anymore.

I felt sorry for them. I don’t know what exactly happened to them. Last time I heard from my other friend that they were at that time in the marriage counseling and trying their best to recover their good relationship.

Because my situation is the same as theirs, in terms of the international marriage, we both are Japanese women married to a Native American man, I took it seriously. It was heartbreaking to me.

I hoped I could talk to my Lakota friend. However, I don’t know his email address nor phone number.

***

My wish came true in my dream.

My Lakota friend visited me in my dream. We haven’t seen each other for 12 years now. The last time I saw him was at the Lakota tour of the year of 2007.

We talked a lot about our past 12 years. We could catch up with each other. We hugged and thanked each other for our friendship and spiritual connection.

***

When I woke up, I had a feeling I might be able to see him again in person. I would be able to introduce my family to him. He would be happy for us.

♬ Any feedback? (^^♪

It was a super busy day for my family and me today. We had so many things to do.

In the morning we made a five-gallon laundry detergent. Last time we made it at the beginning of March, so it lasted for five months.

Next, we worked on recovering my office room. We arranged one room for my Japanese friends’ visit. Now they were back home, we needed to move everything back to the original state.

We started from my computer desk. We moved my computer desk set from the master bed room to the computer room. Then we de-assembled the bed that they used, moved it to the master bed room, and re-assembled it. Finally we needed to move the toy shelf and the book shelf.

By the time we finished eating lunch, we received a phone call from the car dealer. Our car was ready to pick up. Since it takes almost two hours one way to the car dealer, after we picked my car up at the dealer and came back home, it was already night.

It was a long day for us. We were satisfied with our progress. And personally, I am happy that my computer room was back to normal.

♬ Any feedback? (^^♪

My day started with my routine. I woke up at 5 am and left for the grocery store at 5:30 am. I came back home by the time my husband needed to leave the house for work.

In the morning and early afternoon, I spent my time for washing sheets and cleaning the entire house. I had many items in my to-do-list. I was pretty busy.

In the afternoon my husband came back little bit early from his work. We had an appointment for my car’s recall repair.

This is the third recall repair. So far they recalled for the air bag inflators and the windshield wiper motor. This time the recall was for the electronic parking brake (EPB) actuator assembly.

The email notice sent by the manufacturer described the recall repair should take 90 minutes. However, when we arrived at the local dealer, the service technician said it would take all day long. Thus, we had no option but to leave my car for one night and come back to the dealer tomorrow.   

***

We needed to hurry back to our town. My daughter’s school had an open house in the evening. We made it until the school closed the open house.

We met my daughter’s new teacher. She seemed to be very nice and easygoing. I was happy to know she has experienced in teaching in Navajo reservation.

We all were glad that we decided to stay in this local public school.

♬ Any feedback? (^^♪

The first email I saw this morning was the email from my Japanese friend. The time it was sent was around 3:30 am in our time. She sent a quick note to us that they arrived safely back home.

I hope they already have had a good relaxing sleep in their own futon and pillow. After the trip, we always appreciate for our own bed and house.

***

During my friends’ stay, I started my own nukaduke. It is a Japanese pickles pickled in salted rice bran. It was my very first one.

Since my first day, I have stirred my nukadoko every day. Today

I tried tasting one of the vegetable. It tasted too salty. The recipe says it will take up to 2 weeks to have the salted rice bran (nukadoko) fermented enough to make the vegetables tasting sweet. It is fun to make my own flavored picked vegetables. I am excited to growing my own nukadoko.

♬ Any feedback? (^^♪

It was the last day of my friends’ visit. We woke up at 2:30 am and left our house at 3:30 am to the airport.

At the last moment of the airport, I tried my best on not to cry in front of them. After I hugged both of them, the corner of my eyes caught my friend’s daughter’s neck area. She was wearing the necklace that my daughter gave to her. On that moment, I could not hold my tears back any longer. I started crying.

The necklace was a memorable one for my daughter and her friend. Before they came, my daughter put her allowance money in her bag and asked my husband to take her to the mall. There was my daughter’s favorite store in the mall. She found a pretty pair of best friend necklace and bought it for them.

It was hard for all of us to leave the moment. We all cried.

***

We came back home around 6 am. My daughter and I were feeling tired from crying. We took a short nap before we started our day.

We all felt weird staying in our house without my friend and her daughter. The house made us feeling empty.

Every time when we passed by in front of the room where they stayed, we missed them a lot.

♬ Any feedback? (^^♪

In the morning my friend baked bread rolls for them to eat in their long flight tomorrow. The bread rolls turned out very salty. It tasted like tears. Just thinking about their departure of tomorrow, my eyes got filled up with tears. We had so much fun having them in our house during their stay.

My friend also completed an online check-in for their flights. She was lucky enough to change their international flight’s seats to the last row. Since the last row has only two seats, it is convenient for a parent and a small child to have their privacy. When my daughter and I went to Japan, I took the same seats for us.

***

In the afternoon we went to the local indoor pool. Once our car entered in their parking lot, I instantly noticed the difference from usual summer days. The parking lot was almost empty, which never happened during the summer break. I saw one small girl who was about to get in the car. She was crying.

When we entered into the reception desk of the pool, we were informed the indoor pool was closed today. They changed their open swim days to only Saturdays, starting from this week. Now that we understood why the small girl was crying. She was disappointed about the closed pool, just like we were.

Luckily, I had brought two scooters in my car trunk. Our daughters at least could enjoy riding a scooter in the big park located in front of the indoor pool building.

***

After came back from the park, in the late afternoon, my friend completed her final packing.

We went to bed at 8 pm so that we could get up in the early morning tomorrow. 

♬ Any feedback? (^^♪