Again, I could not sleep only for 3 hours. I was planning to drive by myself to the physical therapy clinic, but due to the lack of sleep, I asked my husband to take me there. Last night was very cold and the outside temperature dropped, so that the street surface frozen.

Today’s session was with the usual young female doctor. She asked me the feedback of the male doctor. I mentioned I liked his new approach and dry needling in the back of knee area. Only one aspect I didn’t like about his session was he was pretty busy showing up and left.

The female doctor told me what I didn’t know about the clinic. In this clinic, she is the only one doctor who attend to one client for the entire session. All the other doctors deal with 3 patients simultaneously. And that is why nobody stays with one patient for more than 5 minutes. I understand the efficiency of the clinic, but I personally don’t like the idea to deal with 3 patients simultaneously.

After came back the physical therapy, as usual, I was drained and felt sad. My daughter rubbed my back gently and listened quietly whatever I said while I was shedding tears. The pain was intense as usual. It huts no matter what. I cannot escape from pain even while sleeping. I was devastating.

I started thinking about graduating from physical therapy. For the past several therapies, after came back from physical therapy, I would feel drained and sad. Recently I stated feeling like I might be sucking in the negative energy and anger from the young female doctor. I don’t feel comfortable to have any session from her anymore.

My daughter had a pain in her jar, so I gave her a biofeedback session and focused on TMJ.    

For the past one week, I started noticing the dull pain in my lower back area. Today I can clearly feel the pain.

Last night I woke up around 2 a.m. as usual.

In my dream, somebody told me that the pain is supposed to go up, meaning the pain is supposed to come back to the lower back area. With the process, gradually the pain in the right foot will disappear and that I should enjoy the healing process. Then I woke up. I felt happy and excited about the ongoing healing process.

The first thing in the morning was the smooth process of bowel movement. Last two months, I had missed my healthy routine of every morning’s bowel movement without any efforts. Now it is back naturally. I am filled with appreciation to my body for functioning normally.

It was my daughter’s birthday. I let her sleep until late morning so that she can enjoy the deep asleep. We had a Asian food for lunch at the restaurant.

It was a nice and sunny day. We enjoyed the warm sun light shining through the window in my daughter’s room.

In the evening my daughter had a group chat with her several friends. I am glad she had a good time with her friends.

To our surprise, after 8 p.m., the new mattress that I ordered online for my daughter was delivered.

In my dream, somebody encouraged me to keep doing the homework exercises that the physical therapy doctor taught me.

This morning, I woke up feeling refreshed, even though I woke up in the middle of the night frequently.

I went to my ninth physical therapy session. I could drive there by myself, and I was proud of myself for the progress. Usually, I was seen by a young female doctor, but she called in this morning, so that a male doctor who is the owner of the clinic saw me. It was an interesting synchronicity. Just last night, I pulled an angel card asking exactly what I should do to drastically improve my nerve pain in the right foot. The cards told me that I need to drastically change all the e routines such as in a physical therapy doctor, a new approach to deal with the nerve pain, and new exercises. I actually start wishing about changing a physical therapy doctor from the young male doctor to the experienced and skilled male doctor/owner of the clinic. The young female doctor told me she was still new with only a 1.5-year actual job experience. She always focused on my spine, but never dealt with my nerve pain. I started accumulated complaints about her approach.

The male doctor did all the new approach to tackle with my nerve pain. He applied the dry needling with electric stimulation on the back of my right knee, which the young female doctor never did. The exercises that the male doctor instructed to me was much more intense that I had lots of sweat. After I left the clinic, I got lightheaded and dizzy.   

In the evening, my husband told me what he heard from the bone doctor. The day when I had a diagnosis from the back doctor was October 27^th. I was still in extreme intense pain and didn’t understand all the details of what the doctor told me. All I understood clearly was the back doctor really saw me as his practice material. He was eager to do a surgery on me as one of his actual practices. He told me there was no option left for me except a surgery. He pushed me to agree with having a surgery from him. He wanted me to make an appointment of a spine surgery as soon as possible. My husband, on the other hand, listened more carefully to the doctor. The back doctor showed the X-ray picture and pointed one part of my lower spine. There was one dark spot next to the spine. The doctor explained the spot as the calcium. As long as the calcium attaches to the spine, it is fine. However, with a certain trigger, such as a rough treatment or push from a chiropractor, the calcium part separates from spine and attaches to the big nerve. The back doctor believed the main cause of my intense pain was the calcium part separated from spine due to the chiropractic treatment. That is why the back doctor strongly believe that the only option to solve this issue was a surgery. He said he can get rid of the calcium part.    

My husband has gone back to work. I feel comfortable with the routine days when my husband goes to work and my daughter works on school work. I still cannot keep sitting down on a chair, so I cannot do much for my professional homeopath course study.

My physical therapy doctor recommended me to sleep laying on belly. I have slept on belly since the injury day, but it is hard for me to sleep because I had slept on my back all my life.

Last night, a young girl visited me in my dream. She understood it was hard for me to sleep on belly, but she strongly recommended me to sleep on belly. It is beneficial for me to heal quickly.

In the afternoon, I drove to the grocery store by myself. It was my first to drive to the grocery store, which is located in the next city. I felt comfortable to have my daughter in the passenger’s seat. While driving and walking around the grocery store, the nerve pain in the right foot was unbearable. From time to time, I almost scream about the intense pain. All in all, I am so happy that I safely drove to the grocery store and came back home.

I woke up at 5 a.m., and could not go back to sleep. My husband and daughter slept in until 9:30 a.m. I still cannot sleep throughout the night. I wake up at the middle of the night and take a nap in the daytime for 1-2 hours.

The pain is like somebody constantly pokes my right foot with a bunch of sharp needles. The pain makes me irritated, angry, and sad. I still don’t see the end of this pain duration. I also start feeling the dull pain around the pubic bones. It was not a sharp pain, but a dull pain. Even though it is a dull pain, it irritates me enough to the point where I have to stop whatever I was doing.

Since this morning, I started having a black blood in phlegm, that I often need to go to the bathroom to spit out.

I could not sleep from 1 a.m. to 5 am. with the super intense pain. I shed tears and scream asking for help, but I did so onto my pillow so that I wouldn’t wake my family up.

Around 6 am, when my husband came to me to wake me up, I was asleep but at the same time, I was chanting Japanese mantra.

I had my eighth physical therapy session. This time my husband and daughter came with me together. Today the doctor introduced me a new exercise. It was like a ski activity. I held the rope on the top of the exercise equipment, and while pulling the rope down, I would bend my knees. It was a mild version of squat. I did this exercise for 4 minutes straight. I got enough sweat out. After sweated out, I felt comfortable. It was my first sweat after the injury.

After the session, we went to the stores for Black Fryday shopping. All of us purchased a lot of new clothes.

In the evening, we purchased a new bed mattress and a new blanket for my daughter, and a new bed mattress and a new bed frame for my husband.

We cerebrated Thanksgiving Day with the cook out of beef steak. The day time was nice and warm. I extended the walking distance little further, but still not full distance of my previous walking distance.

My daughter has her own bedroom and own bed, but since my injury day, she sleeps with me in my bedroom. Last night, she told me she would sleep alone. However, when I woke up around 1 a.m. she was in my room. She told me it was too cold for her to sleep alone.

When I was a small child, I could not sleep with my mom. My parents slept together and I hesitated to disturb them by going there. My brother, on the other hand, never hesitated. Even when he was a high schooler, whenever he had a nightmare, he would go downstairs and enter to my parents’ bedroom, and sept in between them.

Now that I became a parent, I would not mind whenever my daughter asks me to sleep together. Maybe I could have done the same thing as my brother did, and my parents would not mind me sleeping in between them. Since I could not enjoy being a child in my childhood days, I want my daughter fully enjoy being a child while she can.

I woke up naturally at 4 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep. I decided to get out from bed and started the biofeedback session. The session went smoothly and the success rate of today’s session was 80%.

I received an email from the spiritual class that I was accepted as their apprentice officially. From the further class, the apprentices have options to choose on either attend or not attend. We are exempt to pay for the tuition. When we attend the class, we are asked to send feedback of a class and send some money as a gift. I was happy to hear this news. I like their class, but attending the live lesson in the middle of the night is definitely not good my health, especially in the middle of healing process.   

I went for my seventh physical therapy. As usual, the therapy started from the doctor’s pulling my legs. She also gave me a gentle massage on my spine. She added a new exercise.

After the physical therapy, I needed to stop by at three different stores. My husband seemed to have forgotten about my back injury and walked to the store in a fast pace. But somehow today, I could catch up with him on his fast pace. We both were surprised at my body’s recovery. We sheared the happiness together.

In the afternoon, I finally worked on unpacking my suitcase. It has been one month and 17 days since the injury day. For these days, I was involved with the severe pain that I just left my suitcase unpacked in the living room.

When I went to the backyard, I saw a small strawberry harvested. I cut the small strawberry into half and shared with my daughter. I was happy that even a tiny strawberry had enough energy to survive and harvest in this cold autumn weather.

Recently I am always up before 6 a.m. I appreciate I can wake up naturally so that I can start my day with chanting Japanese mantra.

The pain is intense at the moment when I get out from bed and stand up. I feel like somebody puts fire on my right foot. The pain has a burning hot sensation that is unbearable.

I spend lots of time with my daughter. I appreciate her kindness and support. When I cry about the pain, she sat down next to me and rubs my back gently. When I walk, she points out I walk in a weird posture and encourages me to stand tall and walk normally. She listens to me whenever I am depressed and desperate due to intense pain.

My husband also supports me. He really hates see me crying for pain. He told me he feels himself useless when it comes to my pain, that he cannot do anything.

My late dad visited me in my dream. He asked me to take him to a vacation trip so I made his wish come true and took him to a short vacation trip. We spent a good time together. Right before my conscious was about to come back to my physical body, my dad apologized about my brother being stubborn and mean. My late dad promised me that he would go and talk to my brother to peacefully divide his inheritance with me. Then I woke up. I felt happy for being able to spend some valuable time with my late dad and knowing that my late dad has been watching over me and offered me support in his inheritance division.